2 minutes • August 18, 2017
Track description? Sure, I’ll give you a track description. It’s long. Really long. Probably dozens, perhaps hundreds of miles. Surely built out of wooden beams placed on the ground at regular intervals, with two sets of interconnected steel beams running parallel to each other laid on top. They facilitate the transport of freight and commuter trains… Oh, my Spira track? It’s, uh, the Thunder Plains theme with lyrics and puns. You’re welcome.
| UEMATSU NOBUO | Composer | |
| WARNER/CHAPPELL MUSIC, INC. | Original Publisher |
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TIDUS
Rikku, come on! We gotta cross the Thunder Plains.
RIKKU
But I’m scared of lightning!
TIDUS
But Rikku, lightning is fun! I’m gonna try to dodge as many lightning bolts as I can.
RIKKU
Isn’t that physically impossible?
TIDUS
Nah, everyone in Zanarkand does it.
RIKKU
Nuh-uh!
TIDUS
Okay, not everyone, but it’s like we say back home: either you Zanar-can or you Zanar-can’t.
RIKKU
Uh… what?
TIDUS
WHAT A LOVELY DAY, THE WEATHER’S PERFECT
JUST LOOK AT THOSE STORMY SKIES
LET’S GO OUTSIDE AND DODGE SOME LIGHTNING BOLTS
IT’S SUPER FUN AND NO ONE EVER DIES!
OH SURE YOU KINDA-SORTA RISK ELECTROCUTION
OR SOME SHORT-TERM MEM’RY LOSS
BUT WHAT’S THE HARM IN SUFF’RING MULTIPLE CONCUSSIONS
OR SOME SHORT-TERM MEM’RY LOSS?
Come on, Rikku!
RIKKU
No! I’m too young to die!
TIDUS
It’ll be okay. Wakka told me that only, like, 30 percent of lightning strikes are fatal.
RIKKU
Oh, great.
TIDUS
Yeah! He’s read all about lightning.
RIKKU
Where?
TIDUS
Wakka-pedia.
RIKKU
Ugh!
TIDUS
COME ON RIKKU, STEP OUTSIDE
WE’LL CROSS THESE PLAINS, I’LL BE YOUR GUIDE
YOU’LL SEE THAT THERE’S NO NEED TO HIDE
ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT GET SLIGHTLY FRIED.
RIKKU
Fried?
TIDUS
LET’S BE BRAVE FOR YUNA, SHE’S DEPENDING
ON US AS HER GUARDIANS. OH!
AND I KNOW JUST THE THING TO LIGHTEN UP THE MOOD:
HOW ABOUT SOME LIGHTNING PUNS?
RIKKU
No.
TIDUS
YOU MIGHT BE SHOCKED TO LEARN THAT LIGHTNING STORMS
ARE GOOD AT BOWLING; THEY GET LOTS OF STRIKES!
RIKKU
Stop.
TIDUS
HEY DON’T PRETEND TO BE RE-VOLT-ED BY THESE PUNS—
RIKKU
Enough of the puns, I’d rather get struck by lightning!
TIDUS
—yikes.
AURON enters.
AURON
You two. It’s time to go.
RIKKU
But I’m scared!
AURON
I’ll buy you a snow cone at the next temple.
RIKKU
Snow cone?
AURON
Yes. Each temple has a Yevon-Eleven.
RIKKU
Ugh! I can’t take this anymore, I’m leaving!
RIKKU runs out the door.
TIDUS
Huh, well that worked.
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