Narrator: On the first day of Christmas, at precisely 6:43, a little boy hurried down the stairs, his eyes dancing with glee. Straightaway did he look, and what did he see?
A cartridge under the tree.
Son: What is this, dad?
Dad: Well now, that’s the Legend of Zelda! You know, that was the very first video game Santa brought me for Christmas back when I was just about your age.
Son: Zelda!? Who’s he?
Dad: Ho ho! My boy, Zelda is the princess of Hyrule. You play as Link, the valiant knight sworn to defend her kingdom from the forces of evil! Pretty neat, huh?
Son: Mmm, I don’t know, Dad… wouldn’t the name of the game confuse people?
Dad: Yes!
Son: So then Zelda’s a princess, right? With a big castle and lots of food and treasure and everything she could ever want! Do you think she ever gave that knight guy any Christmas presents?
Dad: Oh, you bet she did!
On the first day of Christmas the princess gave to Link.
Narrator: A chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
On the second day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Narrator: On the third day of Christmas the princess gave to Link, three loftwings.
Two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
On the fourth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Dad: You see, Hyrule is a great, big world teeming with all sorts of colorful characters and unimaginable sights. But even grander is its history of brave heroes and legendary princesses who, together, battled for the sake of the kingdom for generations.
Son: Sounds like the grown-ups sat around while the kids had to do all the dangerous work!
Dad: Not true! Hyrule Kingdom boasts a long line of wise and powerful kings!
Let earth receive her king!
Son: But what did the kings do that was so great?
Dad: One of them was a boat.
Son: Uhhh…
Let earth receive her bo—
Son: Okay, that’s ridiculous.
Dad: I’m not finished! One was a ghost, well, two actually… Another one was only really referenced in the manual. Besides, so much of Hyrule’s history has yet to even be recorded. Who knows how many kings there were or what they did!
Son: Just how many are there so far?
Five Hyrule kings!
Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Narrator: On the sixth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link, six cuccos clucking.
Five Hyrule kings!
Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Narrator: And on the seventh day of Christmas, ‘t did the good Princess give to Link?
Seven sages sealing,
six cuccos clucking.
Narrator: Five Hyrule kings.
Five Hyrule kings.
Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
On the eighth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
eight Malons milking,
seven sages sealing,
six cuccos clucking,
five Hyrule kings.
Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Son: How does all that fit in this old, plastic VHF?
Dad: It doesn’t! This is only the first of many of Link and Zelda’s quests (it’s a “cartridge” by the way) to defeat Ganon, an invincible pig monster!
Son: An invincible pig monster?
Dad: From space!
Son: Really!?
Dad: No, he’s from Hyrule.
Son: Dad, you’re confusing me!
Dad: Not to worry, son! Both you and Link will have plenty of friends that can explain everything along the way.
On the ninth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
nine Navis nagging.
Navi: Hello!
Eight Malons milking,
seven sages sealing,
six cuccos clucking,
five Hyrule kings!
Ranch Hand: These goats still won’t go in!
Three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Dad: Alright, your old man will take it from here!
On the tenth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
ten lynels leaping.
Nine Navis nagging.
Navi: Hey! Listen!
Eight Malons milking,
seven sages sealing.
Villager: The cuccos are attacking!
(Panicked screaming.)
Five Hyrule kings!

Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Son: Now for me!
On the eleventh day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
eleven Gorons dancing,
ten lynels leaping.
Dad: Nine—
Navi: Hey!
Hey, listen!
Eight Malons milking,
seven sages sealing,
six cuccos clucking,
five Hyrule kings!
Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs,
and a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
Son: Is this almost over? I want to play already!
Dad: H’okay, home stretch!
On the twelfth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the princess gave to Link,
twelve hearts a-healing,
eleven Gorons dancing,
ten lynels leaping.
Navi: Stop ignoring me!
Narrator: Nine Navis nagging, eight Malons milking, seven sages sealing, six cuccos clucking.
Five Hyrule kings!

Four goats to herd,
three loftwings,
two golden bugs.
And a chart hauled up from the Great Sea.
It led to a gold rupee.
Narrator: And where did it all begin?
With that cartridge under the tree!
Son: Well, at least none of these kooky characters have anything to do with me!
Dad: Push the power button, Tingle.